i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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