...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
