I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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