please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My liver just had a heart attack.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
