He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
