Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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