he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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