I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
