Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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