found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
