i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
