Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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