i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
