I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
