Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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