Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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