Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
