I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
