I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
