therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
