I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize