This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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