you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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