think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
