hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
