Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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