Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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