I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
