This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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