I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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