I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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