there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just found puke in my bra..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
