you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
