Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
