It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
