I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
