I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
