pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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