I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My apartment stinks of burning failure
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
