We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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