I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
