Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
