i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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