Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize