if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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