Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
