I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
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