So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
