Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
