hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize