i need an iv and a liver transplant
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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