Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
