Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
