Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
