My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
