I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
