addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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