The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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