apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize