Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
