All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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