i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
