I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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