That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
