party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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