so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
