ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
