The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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