i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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