i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
