i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
