Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
