On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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