you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
