I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
