we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
