i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
