Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
