Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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