I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
