He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
