That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize