he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
