Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
