its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
