Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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