the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize