I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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