going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
