Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
