I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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