Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
