I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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