i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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