I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
