It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
