Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
